


Meet Me in Amsterdam

by krtsknation



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CEO Kuroo Tetsurou, Falling In Love, Implied Sexual Content, Kuroo Tetsurou is Whipped, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Tsukishima is Scared, Unrequited Love, Writer Tsukishima Kei
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29713083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krtsknation/pseuds/krtsknation
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou is like a wildfire.That’s what Tsukishima Kei thought when he saw for the very first time the raven haired boy sitting at the bar, casually sipping his glass of rum.The man screams danger. He whole demeanor screams power.And Tsukishima is well aware of the fact that he shouldn’t cross paths with this kind of man. Because people like Kuroo? They’re fucking dangerous. They can burn you alive.But just like a moth to the flame… he’s drawn to the to the beauty of Kuroo Tetsurou. And Tsukishima knows goddamn well that he shouldn’t play with fire but…He loves the burn.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. In Canada

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this fic has been sitting on my notes for months and i think it's high time to post it here. a bit nervous but that's okay.
> 
> this is actually inspired by a song— Meet Me in Amsterdam by RINI. try listening to it! it's a really good song!
> 
> also heavily inspired by a fic title, Two Week Fold. a very much recommended kurootsukki fic.
> 
> anyways, enjoy reading!!!

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kei moved the phone from his ear from his bestfriend’s exclaim. He chuckled softly.

“Because you’re busy. With all the wedding and stuff,” he ignored the pang in his chest as he mentioned the wedding.

“Why did you leave so suddenly though?” Yamaguchi whined from the other line, he can imagine the pout forming on his lips.

Because you’re getting married, that’s why…

“Well, I just thought I needed a break, you know?” He reasoned because he’s not dumb enough to tell him why he’s in Canada.

Yamaguchi sighed. “You’re right… you’ve been working so hard. But still! You should have told me so I could drive you to the airport.”

“It’s fine. Akiteru and Saeko drove me there. And besides I don’t want to bother you with your preparation with the wedding,” 

He heard a gasp followed by a slamming sound. Yamaguchi must have slammed his hand on the table.

"Tsukki!" he exclaimed. "You will never be a bother, okay?"

He laughs quietly. He remembers how Yamaguchi hates it whenever he talks down to himself. His bestfriend always scolds him whenever he did it, unconsciously or not. 

You could say that Yamaguchi made it his life mission to rebutt Tsukishima's negative thoughts and feelings. 

He's like this small cheerleader. Always smiling and lifting up his mood. 

But he's gonna do it to someone else now...

Tsukishima shook his head, erasing the thoughts. He looked at the clock on the counter, quarter to seven. Daichi and Suga should be home any minute.

"Isn't today your fitting for the tux?" He asked, trying to divert the topic from him. 

Yamaguchi must have sensed that he doesn't want to talk about it. He really isn't. He's still not ready to tell him why he has to leave Japan. What should he tell him? That Yamaguchi's the reason he leave? He's not dumb enough to that.

And besides if he said that, Yamaguchi would of ask why and Tsukishima knows he's not ready for that conversation. 

So he'll give himself time to move on and heal before telling everything to his bestfriend. He want to come home to Japan all well and fine and without any feelings for Yamaguchi aside from being a brother. 

Tsukishima could do that. He has a month after all. If he can't then... he'll have to extend his stay here.

"What about you work?" Yamaguchi asked after telling him about the venue they found in Osaka. 

Tsukishima crossed his arms. "I told Ennoshita-san and he passed my letter to the higher ups. Fortunately, they agreed, saying that I've been working my ass off. Writing novels after novels and I deserve the break. You know, those kind of stuff,"

"That's nice. You're one of their top writers along with, who is that again? Keiji something?"

"Keiji-san, yes. The mysterious writer who doesn't show his face to his colleagues,"

"Yeah, him! But his writing style is really good, though. Looks be damned, I'd still read his works. How's your manuscript going?" 

Tsukishima went silent. He start picking at the loose thread from the sweater he's wearing. For whatever reason, his heart started beating faster. 

He was nervous. 

There are two reasons why he's in Canada right now. First, his bestfriend whom he has feelings for for years is getting married. And second, he has writer's block because of said bestfriend.

So in short, he's out of Japan because of Yamaguchi Tadashi.

But then again, he's not dumb nor a fool to say it staight to his face. 

It's not like telling him what did he do all day. No, it's not easy. 

He could tell Yamaguchi that he wasn't able to write anything for months (since he found out about the engagement) but what would he tell him if he asks why? 

Would he tell him 'oh, it's no big deal. I just can't write because I'm busy moping because you're getting married and I wish it was me,'? No, of course not.

So not telling him would be a better choice. 

He snapped out of his trance when Yamaguchi called him. "Are you okay?" 

Tsukishima cleared his throat. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm okay," 

"Are you sure?" He asks again and Tsukishima is so so close to ending the call because he can't bare another second talking to him without telling him everything.

Then the door bursts open, Daichi and Suga coming in. Daichi holding a bunch of paper bags while Suga is closing the door quietly because of the kid sleeping soundly on his shoulder.

Tsukishima sighed in relief.

"The traffic is terrible! We could have gotten home an hour earlier," Suga exclaimed as he sat on the couch. 

Daichi went straight to the kitchen where Tsukishima is sitting. He put down the paper bags on the table and Tsukishima stood up to help him out.

"Is that Suga-san?" He asked, he probably heard Suga complaining.

"Yeah, they just got home." 

Daichi looked up to him. "Yamaguchi?" He whispered. Tsukishima nodded.

"Oh. I gotta go, Tsukki. Yachi's here. I'll call you again, alright?"

"Okay. Take care."

"You, too. Say hello to Suga-san for me. Bye!"

He ended the call and pocketed his phone. He started taking out the groceries and putting them inside the cupboard. He's been staying for 3days only but he's already familiar with the house. He guesses it has something to do with Daichi and Suga. They're just... domestic.

"You really won't tell him?" 

Tsukishima looked back and saw Suga staring at him from the couch. Worry are evident in his eyes. He looked away.

"It's too late for a confession now," he turned around and grabbed the boxes of cereals. "And knowing him, he'd probably feel guilty once he knows."

He quickly put it inside the cupboard and closes it. Tsukishima turned around and glanced at them briefly.

He gave them a little smile. 

"Let's save him from the guilt, yeah?" 

The couple stared at him with sad eyes. Yeah, he's do that too if he can see himself right now. He's also aware of how sad his situation is. And cliche.

Falling in love with your bestfriend? 

Huh. That's a heartbreak waiting to happen.

And that's exactly what happened to him right now.

Heartbroken. Lost. Unable to write anything. 

Talk about being pathetic.

Tsukishima heard Daichi sighed. "We'll leave tomorrow, how's that sound?" 

He looked up and the older man is smiling at him. The father smile as Hinata calls it. Tsukishima fought the urge to cry. 

"Yeah! We'll give you a tour! We can go to the Niagra Falls first tomorrow," Suga turned to look at Daichi. "Right? Then we can eat lunch at the park near there. Oh, I'm gonna make a picnic basket!" He told them excitedly. He's smiling from ear to ear and Tsukishima can't help but smile back.

Daichi chuckled at his husband. Suga's practically bouncing from his seat, jostling the baby. He stopped moving when he began to stir.

"Babe, babe, chill. We have the time to plan it out, okay? Why don't you put our son to his bed first?" 

Suga nodded. "Right, right. Okay," he got up and carried the baby in his arms again. He quickly went upstairs, leaving Daichi and Tsukishima alone in the kitchen.

Daichi went back to fixing the groceries.

"There are many attractive sights here. We could go first to Niagra Falls as Suga said then the park. Do you want to go to a Musuem? We could do that, too, tomorrow. Then we could try the pancake house near that—"

"Thank you," he said loudly. 

Daichi turned to look at him. 

"For what?"

Tsukishima looked down and started playing with the paper bag. 

"For doing this. For helping me," he took a deep breathe and stared at Daichi. 

"It means a lot to me, you know? And I'm just... I don't know... really thankful."

He can feel his cheeks heating up from embarrassment. He heard Daichi chuckled again. 

"You're welcome. You always do," and he gave another smile in which Tsukishima returned.

They went back to fixing the grocery after that and minutes later, Suga came back down and they started planning their itinerary for tomorrow.

It's a nice feeling. People having your back. Will be there for you. And it's a great feeling. Tsukishima would gladly feel it from time to time.


	2. Heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not confessing was his choice. Tsukishima knows that but there are times that he wishes he just did it. Because what if Yamaguchi accepts it? What if they started dating after that? Will he be happy? Will he be more contended? There are many what if's clouding his mind but he brushed every single one of them because it's pointless. 
> 
> It's risky.
> 
> Tsukishima doesn't know he will deeply regret not confessing until it came in the form of a girl named Yachi Hitoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii! took me a while to finish this chapter because of the feelings i put here asdfghjkl i hope you like it tho. you could listen to Heather by Conan Gray while reading!! it kinda sets the mood hehe anw enjoy reading this!!

It was back in highschool that Tsukishima realized the feelings he had for Yamaguchi. That he loves him not just platonically but romantically. He remembered how he brushed off the idea, thinking that maybe he's just confused with the companionship that Yamaguchi is offering. He thought that maybe he's just mistaken and it's just pure friendly affection he's feeling. 

Nothing more. Nothing less

But clearly, he thought wrong.

He began to notice every little thing about Yamaguchi. How he holds his chopsticks, how he eats messily, how his freckle hides when it's winter, how he blushes at every compliment that was given to him, how he picks at his nails when he's nervous or anxious.

Every little thing he could see and notice. 

And it was already too late when Tsukishima realized how deep he had fallen for his best friend. 

He tried to hide it, mask those feelings with simple adoration. But clearly, he can't hide it enough. To two people, at least.

  
  


It was their break time during practice when Suga approached him. He was watching Yamaguchi practice some serves with the others while he's sitting on the floor. Suga casually walked up to him and sat beside him. Tsukishima ignored him and continued watching Yamaguchi.  _ He's improving, _ Tsukushima thought. 

  
  


They were both silently watching their teammates when Suga dropped the question. He asked so casually that Tsukishima had no time to comprehend it fully.

"So, you like Yamaguchi?" 

Tsukishima froze on his spot. He can see Suga glancing at him with a curious look on his face. Then he chuckled and slapped him lightly on his arm.

"Relax, there's no need to be so tense," he looked back at the court. "It's pretty obvious, you know?"

That made Tsukishima turn his head at his senior. "It is?" 

Suga nodded. "At least for me. And Daichi,"

Ah. Right. Him and Daichi are in a relationship. Of course they would notice. He stared at Yamaguchi. He just sent the ball over the net and was jumping. He was smiling widely and seeing that just... warms Tsukishima's heart for some reason.

Yamaguchi catched his eyes and waved at him. He just nodded at him and he heard Suga chuckled beside him.

  
  


"Ah young love," he sighed and crossed his legs. The elder turned to look at him. "Got any plans on confessing?" 

  
  


In all honesty, Tsukishima hasn't thought of confessing ever since he acknowledged his feelings. The thought of doing it is scary enough as it is. Why? Because it's risky. Confessing means putting their friendship on the line. It might or might not affect their relationship as friends if he knows. And as of now, Tsukishima doesn't want to think about it. Or rather, he doesn't want to deal with the uncertainty he feels in confessing. 

Uncertainty of the result. Uncertainty of Yamaguchi's reactions.

In short, he doesn't want to  _ risk _ it. 

  
  


He took a deep breath and shook his head. "No," he replied to Suga. 

"Huh. Thought you'd say that," Suga got up from where he sits. "There's no harm in telling him, you know? But that's still your decision so I'll leave that to you alone." He patted him on his shoulder before turning around to walk back to Daichi. 

  
  


Tsukishima watched his senior throw himself on his boyfriend who catches him easily while talking to Kageyama. Those two didn't keep their relationship a secret, even the teachers know about it. And Tsukishima found it amazing; the courage they have. It's admirable. 

  
  


Since then, the thought of confessing was erased from Tsukishima's mind because he's already content with the relationship they have. As best friends. Honestly? He doesn't want to ruin it by letting him know about his stupid little crush because Yamaguchi is one of the few people that Tsukishima let in in his life.

He will always be grateful for Yamaguchi. For being there with him when he needed someone. For keeping up with him when everybody gave up because they can't stand him. Tsukishima is grateful for Yamaguchi in many different things and maybe...  _ maybe _ that's exactly what's holding him back in confessing.

They have a good friendship now. Why ruin it by letting his feelings out? It's just gonna complicate things. Why would he do that when he could just enjoy what they have right now? Tsukishima's still not selfish enough to do it. So tucking away his feelings it is. He hides it away from Yamaguchi's reach. He contended himself by watching Yamaguchi from where he is.

  
  


Their entire highschool went like that and soon after, he and Yamaguchi entered college. Tsukishima thought that his feelings would fade away but contrary to what he thought, it stayed. Like a leech. Rubbing on him. Reminding him how sad his situation is. 

  
  


Not confessing was his choice. Tsukishima knows that but there are times that he wishes he just did it. Because what if Yamaguchi accepts it? What if they started dating after that? Will he be happy? Will he be more contended? There are many what if's clouding his mind but he brushed every single one of them because it's pointless. 

_ It's risky. _

  
  


Tsukishima doesn't know he will deeply regret not confessing until it came in the form of a girl named Yachi Hitoka.

  
  


He will never forget that day. It was during their second year college and it was autumn. The leaves are slowly falling from the trees as the rush of wind blew them away. He remembers how pretty Yamaguchi is while basking in the sunlight and there are leaves surrounding him.

It's their break time and they are waiting for Kageyama and Hinata to get some lunch. His best friend was telling him some story from his class that day. How their professor was just reading the powerpoint presentation, how they were given a quiz. Everything that happened during the day, Yamaguchi was telling it to him. Honestly, Tsukishima could listen to Yamaguchi for hours, days even, without getting tired. For some reason, his voice relaxes him. It soothes something inside him.

  
  
  


"And then, he even has the audacity to give us another activity? He's just reading the freaking presentation! How would he expect us—" Yamaguchi stopped abruptly.

Tsukishima looked up from his notes to see what happened.

And he wished he didn’t and stayed jotting down some notes for his next class.

Because what he saw will now be forever ingrained in his mind. 

He watched how his best friend face changes in a span of seconds when the blonde girl walked past them. 

Yamaguchi was looking at the girl in awe. He was looking at her with admiration in his eyes. An emotion that Tsukishima didn't saw in his eyes before.

She's got him mesmerized. 

Watching this all unfold in front of Tsukishima's eyes is like stabbing himself with a knife. 

In that moment, in that exact moment with the leaves falling from the trees and the wind gently blowing them away, Tsukishima saw his best friend fall.

And he can feel his heart breaking.

  
  


It was Hinata who introduced them to each other. They're classmates in one subject and he was meaning to introduce her to them for the last week. He was watching from a distance while Yamaguchi, Hinata, and Yachi talk to each other. He can see how bright his smile is while talking to her. 

He never saw him smile like that. Not even once. Seeing that now is like a breath of fresh air and at the same time, it's choking him. 

  
  


Later that night on the same day, while Tsukishima’s alone in his dorm room, he allowed himself to cry. For the first time since he had admitted to himself that he loves Yamaguchi romantically. 

Just by watching his best friend look at some girl with something akin to admiration in his eyes is enough to brought tears in his eyes because he realizes that Yamaguchi will  _ never _ look at him like that.

He could only wish for it and wonder about it but he will never experience it. 

In that dark room, Tsukishima realizes how lonely he was and how pathetic his situation is. He can’t help but laugh bitterly as tears continued streaming down his face.

  
  


Since then, Tsukishima has to pretend he’s happy for his best friend. Well, he  _ is _ . He’s genuinely happy for Yamaguchi but then, he wishes it was him in Yachi's place. The one who’s making him smile like that. He has to ignore the pain he was feeling everytime Yamaguchi mentions Yachi or everytime he fawns over her. He hid his pain beneath a mask so that he will never see it. 

He learned to get used to the pain that it rendered him close to numbness. 

  
  


It was during their third year that Yamaguchi told them that he asked Yachi to be his girlfriend and she agreed. Tsukishima congratulates them. He’s really happy for them. Truly. But with every fake smile he gave them, another numbing pain will come that he will choose to ignore than deal with it.

What makes his situation harder is that he can’t bring himself up to hate Yachi. To dislike her because how could he? Yachi’s done nothing but be kind to him. It wasn’t her fault that Yamaguchi likes her and not him. She’s got nothing to do with it. 

Yachi is a literal angel so how could he bring himself to hate her? 

  
  


So he’s left with one thing: to accept everything as it is and that he will never stood a chance.

  
  


Tsukishima played his role as his best friend. He was there when Yamaguchi needed help to surprise Yachi. He gave him ideas and suggestions. He was there for him when they fight, keeping him company. He was also there when Yachi asked for a cool-off because everything was suffocating for her. Tsukishima was the one who comforts Yamaguchi, assuring him that Yachi will come back to him. 

He was there throughout their relationship. A helping hand. Tsukishima serves as the comfort blanket for both of them. And it’s fine. It’s okay. He’s willing to prioritize their relationship, their feelings, over his. 

  
  


Tsukishima have to accept the fact that he’s not Yamaguchi’s home. It’s  _ Yachi. Not him.  _

He may have found home in the presence of his best friend but it’s not the case with Yamaguchi. And it’s completely fine.

He’s been watching him from afar for years. This should be a piece of cake. Right?  _ But why does it still hurt?  _

  
  


Yamaguchi’s near to him. So, so near and yet…

**_And yet, he’s so far away._ ** He’s  _ so _ out of reach.

  
  
  


Winter of 2020. One week before christmas. Yamaguchi called him, saying they’ll have dinner with their friends— Kageyama and Hinata. He has something to announce, he said. He already has a clue on what would that be but he brushed off the idea but it stayed at the back of his mind. 

And it turned out to be true. Tsukishima’s guess.

  
  


He watched Yamaguchi and Yachi as they showed their identical rings while smiling so wide. Kageyama ang Hinata was saying their congratulations and that they’re really happy for them but he remain frozen.

He had this coming.  _ He had been anticipating this but why does it still stung like a motherfucking bitch? _

And when his best friend looked at his way while beaming, he blinks the tears away. Tsukishima smiled back and congratulated him. He’s really happy for him. So much. He deserves it. But then again, Tsukishima wishes it was him. 

The one he’s marrying. The one with identical rings. 

If he hadn’t been scared from the start and just confessed, would they go down to this? If he wasn’t afraid to risk their friendship, would they end up like this? 

But it’s too late for those regrets now. Those what if’s and what nots. He could only just keep wondering and thinking and asking but he couldn’t do anything. 

  
  


Did it hurt him? Yes. Painfully so. But with all the years he had hidden his feelings and getting hurt continuously, it rendered him to numbness. So when Daichi and Suga called him the same nighy, he was beyond thankful because Tsukishima doesn’t realize what he needed until they offered it to him.

  
  
  


“Hey.. we heard about the wedding," Suga told him softly. He hummed. 

“It’s 3 months from now…”

“Daichi and I thought that maybe you want to stay here? Just for a while…” Suga muttered quietly.

  
  


Silence.

A beating silence.

  
  


“You can go back before the wedding,” his former senior added hastily when he didn’t answer

And before Tsukishima knew it, he was crying. Uncontrollable sobs came out of his mouth and tears are falling rapidly from his eyes.

  
  


“Oh dear…” Suga whispered.

  
  


The last time he cried was when Yamaguchi fall for Yachi. He didn’t cry for the next years because he knows it will do him no good. He was just holding it in, tucking it away, bottling his damn feelings, and thinking that maybe if he were to ignore it, they will fade.

But he was just fooling himself…

  
  


It went for a frw minutes that felt like hours. He was crying his heart out while Daichi and Suga stayed on line, keeping him company and comforting him.

In that moment, in his apartment, with all the lights out and he’s laying on the couch while crying, Tsukishima realized how lonely he was.

  
  


After that, the days flew by quickly. Daichi guides him in processing the papers he needed. It took him three days to gather it all. One day in packing his things and telling his editor about his leave. And another one day in telling Kageyama and Hinata. The both of them were looking at him with sad eyes but he just tapped them on their shoulders and told them that don’t let Yamaguchi know he’s leaving.

  
  


And after a week, Tsukishima’s flying out of Japan en route to Canada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to scream at me or just say hi on my twt account @krtsknation_ :">


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